Chapter 3

And we're back with Chapter 3.  I'm hoping that it's going to get better.  I'm not holding out much hope but...  And to think, I haven't even gotten to the sex yet.

Quick Summary:

Ana tells Kate that Grey just happened to drop in to the mom'n'pop store that she happens to be working at.  They make arrangements for the photoshoot including the shanghaing of Chehkov's photographer.  Ana calls Grey and they purr at each other over the phone.  Also, Ana gets asked out by Paul (grocery owner's brother who is generally away at college), but she says no.  It's apparently a habit. 

Then they drive to Portland in two cars (can you smell the plot convenience?) because they can't fit everyone in the Bug along with all the equipment.  The hotel has given them a room for free and then upgraded them when they found out that Grey is the one that they're there to photograph.  Photographs happen and then Grey asks Ana for coffee.  She turns him down because she has to drive people back.  Grey counters with the offer of a driver.  Ana counters by swapping cars with Kate and they go for coffee.

Even going down in the elevator is an adventure for Ana and they interrupt a couple in a passionate cinch.   Ana is, of course, embarrassed.  They go for coffee, Christian gives her the third degree and they really don't tell us much.  He escorts her back to the car and saves her from a speeding cyclist...  And lo and behold, she finally wants to be kissed.

My Thoughts:

So, finally, there is a character in the book with some brains.  Unfortunately, it's Kate and not Ana.

“I think that is one huge coincidence, Ana. You don’t think he was there to see you?” she speculates. My heart lurches at the prospect, but it’s a short-lived joy. The dull, disappointing reality is that he was here on business.

 Ana is, again, wallowing in her own self-doubt and lack of self-esteem.  She's got one guy after her who has been looking to get into her pants for four years.  There's Paul who asks her out on a date every time he's home.  Then there's Christian who has turned up in the store where she works just to see her.  Honestly, I've heard of people being oblivious, but I have a feeling that EL James is doing the rookie mistake of overplaying the point.  We get it.  Ana is an innocent.  She has no idea about love or lust or sex.  Can we drop this point and move on to the next one?

“Anyway, want to grab a drink or something this evening?”
Whenever he’s home he asks me on a date, and I always say no. It’s a ritual. I’ve never considered it a good idea to date the boss’s brother, and besides, Paul is cute in a wholesome all-American boy-next-door kind of way, but he’s no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination. Is Grey? My subconscious asks me, her eyebrow figuratively raised. I slap her down.

 So, Paul is cute in the stereotypical all-American boy-next-door kinda way.  Blond and blue-eyed presumably.  What's not to like?  Oh wait, he doesn't have a tortured soul with a terrible back-story.  He wasn't raised in an orphanage.  He doesn't keep a dead wife in the closet...  Oh my God.  You've got two nice guys (and we have to assume that they are nice because we don't know anything about them) who are panting after you Ana.  What the heck do you want?

*sigh*  Okay, can we put this point to bed.  Please?  Kate had written a profile on the guy.  She knew lots about him.  She didn't tell Ana anything about him (which I'm finding very hard to believe because ya know, best friends and housemates...).  We don't have to be hit in the face with the information again and again and again...

“Ana, I’m a journalist, and I’ve written a profile on the guy. It’s my job to know this.”

Secondly, it's not your job to know this.  You're the editor of a student newspaper.  Typically, you're not getting paid anything more than expenses for this.  You want it to be your job presumably, but you kinda blew that by getting the flu and sending an untrained, unenthused friend to take the interview instead of another journalist...  Bad decisions, you made them.

Okay, so this chapter is getting to me a little.  There's just so much to wade through, like this chunk of dialogue.

“Miss Steele, we meet again.”

 Well, duh.  She called you to set up the photoshoot.  You gave her your card.  It's a logical assumption that she's going to be there.  Oh wait, are you trying to be witty?  With something out of a Bond movie?  *sigh*  I'm not sure that it's got quite the suaveness that you think it does.

But back to Kate.  I said that so far she seems like the only one with her head screwed on. 

“Ana, I think he definitely likes you,” she says with no preamble whatsoever. José glares at me with disapproval. “But I don’t trust him,” she adds.

You see?  She doesn't trust him!  Finally, someone else is picking up on his super-creepy exterior.   Listen to Kate, Ana.  Listen to her with both ears and take in her words.  This girl might just save your sanity, or at least your virginity.  But despite me shouting at Ana to listen to Kate, she doesn't.  There's an overwhelmingly complicated section about driving arrangements and how to make them work but really in the end it boils down to this:  If Christian Grey wants to have coffee with you, you are going to have coffee with Christian Grey.

 I am going to have coffee with Christian Grey... and I hate coffee.

 See?  What did I say? 

We walk together down the wide hotel corridor to the elevators. What should I say to him? My mind is suddenly paralyzed with apprehension. What are we going to talk about? What on Earth do I have in common with him?

This right here is about the only thing in this chapter that I can connect with.  That moment of wonder when you try to plan what you're going to say and try to string some words together that won't make you sound a hormonal idiot on the cusp of stupidity.  You know what I'm talking about.  It's the part of your mind that convinces you that not sticking straws up your nose during lulls in conversation is possibly the best course of action if you don't want him running for the hills, and that discussing how awful your first time was with the guy who's squimish because a night in ER after he faints and hits his head on the corner of the table is not really the best first date.

 Of course, there is also part of me that is shouting at Ana that the only thing that they have in common is that they want to bump uglies with each other.  But then I'd have to explain the phrase to her and listen to a long rambling whine on how he's just not that into her...  *sigh*  I had vodka around here somewhere. 

Aside:  Seriously, this book should not be a drinking game.  Three paragraphs in you would be drunk.  Four paragraphs in, alcohol poisoning...  Five?  Flatline...

But... But...  There is a small glimmer of hope on the horizon.

“How long have you known Katherine Kavanagh?”
Oh, an easy questions for starters.
“Since our freshman year. She’s a good friend.”
“Hmm,” he replies, non-committal. What is he thinking?

Is that a mystery point?  Is that something that foreshadows some secret that Christian knows?  Couple this with the I don't trust him and I've got an inkling in the back of my mind that Kate and Christian have met before under less than auspicious circumstances...  Ah hah!  Plot!  I knew there had to be some in there somewhere.  Can't have a book without plot and seeing as this is a book (you can tell because it has paper, a cover and a pricetag), there has to be some plot in there!  I don't even care at this point that it's probably just an illusion, a mirage that is sailing low across the desert.  I'm clinging on and you can't stop me.

But as soon as it appears, it disappears...  There's yet another pointer to Ana's innocence.  They come across a canoodling couple in the elevator and Ana blushs.  I'm starting to think that Ana needs to visit someone who deals with vascular disorders because the amount of time that she spends blushing is not natural. 

The couple in the elevator jump apart as they are interrupted and Ana and Christian step into the world's only silent hotel elevator.  Nothing happens there and then they step out.

 “What is it about elevators?” he mutters.

 The above is said by Christian if you hadn't guessed.  I really don't want Christian to start going down the naive path too because two people down the naive path with not a map between them means that they are going to end up in Norfolk and that's not something that should happen to anyone, even Ana.  Christian, I might consider.

There follows a section where Ana is gushing about holding Christian's hand.  I don't want to spoil anyone but if she's gushing about holding his hand, how the heck is she going to feel when she's holding his...  Well, you all know what she's going to be holding.  My money is going to be on the fact that she blushes.  Any takers?

EL James has actually made me find tea boring.  Shock horror.  I know.  But she has actually made me yawn about my favourite beverage (after Irish Whiskey of course). 

“Why don’t you choose a table, while I get the drinks. What would you like?” he asks, polite as ever.
“I’ll have… um – English Breakfast tea, bag out.”
He raises his eyebrows.
“No coffee?”
“I’m not keen on coffee.”
He smiles.
“Okay, bag out tea. Sugar?”
For a moment, I’m stunned, thinking it’s an endearment, but fortunately my subconscious kicks in with pursed lips. No, stupid – do you take sugar?
“No thanks.” I stare down at my knotted fingers.
“Anything to eat?”
“No thank you.” I shake my head, and he heads to the counter.

Is there any information in that section?  No. 
Is there anything new added to the story?  Nope.
Is this just there to fill space?  Probably.

Think about it for a minute.  If you're going to a coffeeshop and someone asks you what you want to drink, does it usually take two minutes to get your order out?  I mean, for something as simple as English Breakfast tea?  Next time you go out, time it?  Not even your barista will take that long getting your order off you. 

It's a rookie mistake and one that would have been knocked out of her during any introduction to Creative Writing class.  The reader signs up to read exciting things, the banal has no place in there unless it's telling us something.  It's not even a real setup for anything.  There's nothing in there that can be reused at this point.  Nothing to add to the forthcoming interrogation scene, which by the way, isn't really an interrogation scene apart from showing us how abrupt Christian is.

 “You seem nervous around men.”
Holy crap, that’s personal. I’m just nervous around you, Grey.
“I find you intimidating.” I flush scarlet, but mentally pat myself on the back for my candor, and gaze at my hands again. I hear his sharp intake of breath.
“You should find me intimidating,” he nods. “You’re very honest. Please don’t look down. I like to see your face.”

 Alright, I have two points on this.  Well, that's not quite true but I'm going to keep it to two points.  The first is this:  Christian has her pegged very quickly.  It's not that hard to do but that's good, it's out of the way early.  Christian is very forthright.  He calls things as he sees them when he's not playing word and power games. 

The second is a bit of an odd one.  There's a tone of voice that one associates with a Top/Dom/Master/Whatever you want to call him, that is the product of training and practice.  I'm getting some of this from Christian, but I'm honestly not sure if that's my transferrance or if that's just the way the dialogue is.  But, one thing ruins it, 'Please'.  Everything else is controlling.  Everything else is Christian showing his power.  But the 'Please' really doesn't fit with that.  For a top, he's saying the right words for the most part but it's little slips like that, that make me want to go find her editor, take her to a BDSM meetup and sit her down with a notepad.

Okay, the following piece of dialogue sparked horribly for me. 

“I don’t doubt it. Why haven’t you asked me to call you by your first name?” I’m surprised by my audacity. [...]
“The only people who use my given name are my family and a few close friends. That’s the way I like it.”
Oh. He still hasn’t said, ‘Call me Christian.’ He is a control freak, there’s no other explanation.

 Why haven't you asked me to call you by your first name?  Seriously?  Maybe he doesn't like his first name?  Maybe he's got some other name that he likes to be called by?  Maybe you've only spent a grand total of an hour in his company - including the photoshoot where you didn't talk to him? 

Okay, okay, I know what the author is trying to tip her hand to here but there are so many better ways to do it.  Christian is not giving her an equal footing.  While he can call her whatever he wants; Anastasia, Miss Steele, Ana... , she must call him Mister Grey (oh apart from that time when she called him Christian in his office but we'll just wipe that under the carpet shall we?).  Yes, this has all the classic signs of a powerplay setup but it's clumsy.  Yes, Christian is a control freak.  We already know this, by the way, you've called him that before.  Twice. 

The last major point with this chapter comes from this line:

He smiles his odd I’ve got a whopping big secret smile.

This bugs me in so many ways.  I played a role-playing game (the one with dice rather than the bedroom sort, get your minds out of the gutters before I start charging you rent!) once where my character found a Swiss Army Knife and didn't tell the other characters.  One of the other players decided to try a "That's the smile of someone who just found a Swiss Army Knife" approach to get the information out of me.  Needless to say, that didn't work and this isn't working either.  What does an I've got a whopping big secret smile look like?  Can you tell that from a This girl is nuts smile?  How about a If I get back to Seattle by six I can hit up my secretary for a little after-hours action smile?  Do you know what that smile looks like?  As I've said, she's spent an hour with him and already she knows all of his facial expressions.  Man, that girl works quick.

Less is more.  Foreshadow without thumping us over the head.  Subtlety is your friend when you're writing.

Yet again I find myself wondering at Ana and how she has survived in the world up until now.  She is clueless about men and couldn't pick up a clue if it had handles.  Christian is playing a shadowy game that is supposed to be dark and mysterious but it's kinda coming off a little more Mwa Ha Ha than seriously mysterious.  Maybe that's why I find him creepy.  So far, Kate is the only character that I'm liking.

I'm still hoping that the seedling of plot is going to grow into something bigger, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow.