Okay, this chapter's opening line annoys me. Quelle surprise?
Remember last chapter? LITERALLY the second last line reads "And it feels like [Ana's] travelled back to the Sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition." Now, the Spanish Inquisition isn't something I've read a lot on; it's unrestrained bigotry, paranoia and hate. But you know what most of the Inquisition's rooms looked like? Cells. Cells filled with the dying, the broken and the dead. You know what else? The Spanish Inquisition's worst excesses took place during the sixteenth century, just as an added kick in the teeth. The sheer miasma of horror from an Inquisition's cell would have given anyone with a soul nightmares for the rest of their existence!
So how does this chapter open?
"The first thing I notice is the smell; leather, wood, polish with a faint citrus scent. It's very pleasant, and the lighting is soft, subtle."
.........I am really, really starting to hate this woman. She's like an annoying teenager who believes that circumventing the parental control on the internet makes them the greatest expert on sex and politics.
The room, which Ana describes as 'womb-like' (and yes, that is a verbatim quote), turns out to be a fairly stereotypical BDSM dungeon. There's a St. Andrew's cross, an iron grid fixed to the ceiling with ropes, chains and glinting shackles. Now again, I'm not a bondage expert but 'glinting' is an adjective that I would apply to metal and metal shackles are not something I would use with a partner that I actually liked or you know, wanted to survive. There's also two polished poles which are displaying Christian's collection of floggers.
There's also a pool cue holder filled with canes and a random chest of drawers. Ana wonders 'briefly' if she wants to know what's in the drawers.
....yes, because when the guy of your dreams/nightmares decides to kick-start your first date (after stalking and sleeping with you already) with a tour of his flogging dungeon, CLEARLY the biggest concern is what's in the drawers. I mean, I'm expecting that he keeps the eyes of his previous victims in there but then my reaction to Christian Grey is less 'what a hunka burnin' love' and more 'oh my god, that guy's a serial killer!' and there is not enough space on the planet for me to feel safe around this guy.
But Ana has already been distracted: there's a bed! A four-poster bed, no less.
Again, am I the only one who's thinking Christian's 'dungeon' was put together by a horny girl? A four poster bed, with no bedding (aside from the leather/satin cushions) with more gleaming cuffs/chains. Y'know, I'm getting the feeling that Christian might be into tying people up! It's so subtly hinted at that I can't tell you why I think this.
But what Ana fixates on is the couch. Because it's facing the bed. And then she smiles to herself because huh, this is quirky exposition that once again fails to establish anything other than the utter implausibility of Ana being this stupid! She looks up to see 'karabiners' (which Google assures me is a valid spelling for carabiners but still makes my hackles rise) hanging from the ceiling and "vaguely wonder[s]" what they're for.
Twenty-four years old, educated at a secular college and living with a room-mate who we've established has a healthy sex life.....and the author wants us to believe that Ana has no idea what a room like this is used for?
This is a room, full to the brim with restraints and implements to inflict pain, that LESS THAN A PAGE AGO YOU COMPARED TO THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
So what is Ana taking away from this?
"Weirdly, all the [furnishings] make the room kind of soft and romantic..."
She immediately says that she knows it's anything but even if she hadn't just said that she finds it romantic, she flip-flops again because this is is "Christian's version of soft and romantic."
Oh-kay.
How exactly do you know this, Ana? At least in the original Twilight, one of the characters was explicitly telepathic. You don't have any reason to believe, based on Christian's previous behaviour, that this man has a romantic bone in his body! The only way you could possibly support that assertion is if you'd been reading the author's outline and even then, I honestly doubt you'd find textual evidence to support your claim!
Ana looks around with Christian right behind her. She's drawn to a flogger - which Christian helpfully identifies for her because Ana only knows paddles, whips and riding crops apparently - and this is what shocks her.
Her subconscious - the only part of Ana that I am whole-heartedly rooting for - short-circuits, probably due to Ana's complete inability to develop any self-preservation. Her first reaction to 'finding out a potential lover is a complete freaky sadist or masochist?"
Fear. That is literally the first answer to spring into Ana's mind.
This is important because I am fully prepared to believe that a lot of people find BDSM titillating. Given the coy sexualization of popular culture, I can also fully believe that many people feel ashamed or nervous about admitting this kink. I came of age in fandom and trust me when I say, I got jaded fast on the weird things that turn people on but I know shame and nerves are real and valid reactions.
I just don't think Ana is one of those people. If she was attracted to bondage or painplay, then I would expect her reaction to equal parts shock and fascination. If she was curious about this kink and exploring it with this man, then she should also be excited. But Ana's kneejerk reaction to the idea of inflicting pain or having pain inflicted is fear.
This is, as Dr DeBecker would say, all the reason you need to politely decline and back out of the situation. As alarm bells go, this is the big grand-mammy of them all!
Ana can't do that; Ana immediately backs down and claims that she isn't afraid of Christian because "[she doesn't] think he'd hurt me, well, not without my consent." This, I remind you, is the man who showed up at her place of work without warning, bugged her cell-phone, took her back to his house, stripped her and slept in the same bed with her after she passed out. Which part of this - exactly - is supposed to show that Christian gives a single damn about what Ana thinks or wants?
We have the most stupid conversation between the two; Ana asks if Christian likes giving or receiving and he says that he likes doing it to women who want him to. Once more, based on his previous behaviour? I am calling ALL OF THE BULLSHIT.
Ana asks why she's here if he's got volunteers lined up and Christian admits he wants to "do this with [her] very much."
Ana asks if he's a sadist. (Pro-tip, the answer is yes!) But Christian says he's a Dominant, like the two are mutually exclusive and says that he wants Ana "to willingly surrender [herself] to [him] in all things."
When Ana, not unreasonably, asks what's in it for her? Christian's response is "To please me,"
Ana has a sexual epiphany right there and declares that she wants "him to be damned delighted with [her]." No, this makes no sense in context either.
Christian is then frustratingly vague about what 'pleasing him' actually entails. This just makes no sense and once more highlights that this author is just not good at her job. In the hands of an author who actually knew how to write erotica, Christian could not only explain but make the explanation part of his seduction and convince Ana (and the reader) that this is something sexy and pleasurable.
Christian's actual seduction skills are pretty much nonexistant; so far, he's flown Ana up to his home in Seattle, being creepy all the way, and made her sign paperwork to see his playroom and given her the weakest possible sales pitch imaginable short of 'uh, hey, you wanna?'. This guy is supposed to be a hard-hitting CEO, right?
He takes her out of the playroom because it's too distracting to see her there. I assume the reader is supposed to read 'distraction' as 'overpowering need to just screw her'? (Pst, Ana? That right there is ANOTHER alarm bell. Why are you not running?)
Amazingly, Christian then hikes the creepy factor even HIGHER by bringing Ana down the corridor and shows her a "sterile and cold" room. Her room. (After checking with my co-sufferer, I realize that it's not clear if Christian occupies the whole building or just the penthouse or what? This is starting to seem like a TARDIS!)
Ana is horrified by the idea that Christian wants her to move in. Tying up and beating? A-Ok! Stalking? A-OK! Moving in? OMG YOU MONSTER!
The room is for Ana to sleep in, "Just say, Friday evening through Sunday." because Christian "[doesn't] sleep with anyone, except [Ana], when she's stupefied with drink."
So, Ana needs to be passed out drunk before Christian will share a bed in the non-sexual sense? Once more, I call ALL OF THE BULLSHIT! Either Christian lied like a Des Kelly carpet about not doing anything with Ana or he's just refusing to sleep with her because she obviously wants to. Either way? HE'S A DICKHEAD!
And those are indeed alarm bells going nuts once again, Ana.
Ana reacts in the mature, rational manner of a toddler being told no and Christian brings her downstairs to eat. He also helpfully tells her that since she signed the NDA, she can ask questions.
Given his track record with actually answering questions, I am completely unsurprised when he evades all the personal questions, ultimately resorting to talking about cheese to avoid any discussion of his past. I would expect an Alpha male (as Christian supposedly is) to just flat out say 'My past is not your concern. Keep your questions relevant.' but Christian prefers to talk about cheese. ????
Christian shows his dominant side by politely insisting that Ana eat. Then they talk about his track record (15 women) and dance around the issue of Christian hitting her. It's all Christian being coy and Ana being clueless but enough of the petty small talk! The meal is left behind as they move on to what we've all been waiting for! Hard. Hitting. PAPERWORK!
No, again, I'm being serious.
Christian has a contract. This contract, honest to god, looks like the sort of thing that terminally clueless anti-social boys post on their website (and then wonder why anyone with a a double-X chromosome runs a mile every time they try to talk to them). It looks like it was copy-pasted off a forum post. It's also not a BDSM contract. This is a straight-up slave contract. This is not the sort of contract you should even be reading if you are as obviously (and blatantly) vanilla and inexperienced as Ana.
This is not just setting the limits for their 'playtime'; this contract explicitly strips away Ana's agency and puts everything from her sleep schedule and eating patterns under Christian's control. There is - no lie! - a list of foods that she can eat and she isn't allowed to snack unless it's fruit. Christian will not only have control over what she wears, he will buy it for her! She has to exercise regularly so he has to provide a personal trainer who will report to him on her progress! She has to keep herself clean and waxed: also, she has to visit a beauty salon and submit to additional treatments chosen by Christian.
But it's the last section that makes my inner feminist explode. "The Submissive [Ana] will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. ... She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehaviour committed when not in the presence of the Dominant."
Reread that last sentence.
The very next sentence out of Christian's mouth is about the need to specify Ana's hard limits.
The ENTIRE fucking premise of the contract is that everything is laid out in black and white so both parties know where the limits are and have agreed on them. The contract is useless in that regard because the only things specified are what she can eat (again, so not kidding about that) and her hard limits. What beauty treatments does Ana not feel comfortable with? Never discussed. What sort of workout routine does Ana feel comfortable with? Never discussed. What constitutes a misdeed or a wrongdoing or misbehaviour? Never discussed.
Also not discussed? Where the limits are on punishment. The hard limits are explicitly associated with 'any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant' - nothing to suggest they carry over to punishments.
Ana objects. Not to anything I've listed above but she objects to him buying her clothes. She feels uncomfortable - just the idea of him buying her clothes makes her feel like a 'ho'. Christian sneers at her ability to buy clothes he will like on her as-yet-unaccquired-job's salary so they compromise. He's going to buy her clothes. She doesn't have to wear them when she isn't with him.
That isn't a compromise. That's utter capitulation.
She does argue him down from four sessions with the personal trainer a week to three. Christian is duly impressed by her negotiating skills and offers her a job with his company.
I really truly believe that Christian is impressed and doesn't just want Ana completely dependant on him in all aspects of her life.
Then they move onto hard limits. These boil down to 'no fire: no scat: no watersports: no bloodplay: no needles/knife: no gynaecological play: no pedophilia: no bestiality: no permanent marks and no breath play.'
Ana feels "a little queasy" at the idea of any of those. Christian "asks kindly" if there's anything she wants to add and Ana admits that she doesn't know because she's "never done anything like this."
This, at the risk of sounding repetitive, is so obvious that you can see it from PLUTO! Christian knows enough about her to track her phone and find her place of work but he's somehow MISSED that she's not sexual active!?
Ana confesses and I swear to gods, it reads like the big denouement of a Harlequinn trash-novel. Right up to the point where Christian flips out.
He seriously looses his head over this and we close on him aggressively invading Ana's personal space and demanding to know why she didn't tell him!!!?
....this is only going to get worse, isn't it?
Remember last chapter? LITERALLY the second last line reads "And it feels like [Ana's] travelled back to the Sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition." Now, the Spanish Inquisition isn't something I've read a lot on; it's unrestrained bigotry, paranoia and hate. But you know what most of the Inquisition's rooms looked like? Cells. Cells filled with the dying, the broken and the dead. You know what else? The Spanish Inquisition's worst excesses took place during the sixteenth century, just as an added kick in the teeth. The sheer miasma of horror from an Inquisition's cell would have given anyone with a soul nightmares for the rest of their existence!
So how does this chapter open?
"The first thing I notice is the smell; leather, wood, polish with a faint citrus scent. It's very pleasant, and the lighting is soft, subtle."
.........I am really, really starting to hate this woman. She's like an annoying teenager who believes that circumventing the parental control on the internet makes them the greatest expert on sex and politics.
The room, which Ana describes as 'womb-like' (and yes, that is a verbatim quote), turns out to be a fairly stereotypical BDSM dungeon. There's a St. Andrew's cross, an iron grid fixed to the ceiling with ropes, chains and glinting shackles. Now again, I'm not a bondage expert but 'glinting' is an adjective that I would apply to metal and metal shackles are not something I would use with a partner that I actually liked or you know, wanted to survive. There's also two polished poles which are displaying Christian's collection of floggers.
There's also a pool cue holder filled with canes and a random chest of drawers. Ana wonders 'briefly' if she wants to know what's in the drawers.
....yes, because when the guy of your dreams/nightmares decides to kick-start your first date (after stalking and sleeping with you already) with a tour of his flogging dungeon, CLEARLY the biggest concern is what's in the drawers. I mean, I'm expecting that he keeps the eyes of his previous victims in there but then my reaction to Christian Grey is less 'what a hunka burnin' love' and more 'oh my god, that guy's a serial killer!' and there is not enough space on the planet for me to feel safe around this guy.
But Ana has already been distracted: there's a bed! A four-poster bed, no less.
Again, am I the only one who's thinking Christian's 'dungeon' was put together by a horny girl? A four poster bed, with no bedding (aside from the leather/satin cushions) with more gleaming cuffs/chains. Y'know, I'm getting the feeling that Christian might be into tying people up! It's so subtly hinted at that I can't tell you why I think this.
But what Ana fixates on is the couch. Because it's facing the bed. And then she smiles to herself because huh, this is quirky exposition that once again fails to establish anything other than the utter implausibility of Ana being this stupid! She looks up to see 'karabiners' (which Google assures me is a valid spelling for carabiners but still makes my hackles rise) hanging from the ceiling and "vaguely wonder[s]" what they're for.
Twenty-four years old, educated at a secular college and living with a room-mate who we've established has a healthy sex life.....and the author wants us to believe that Ana has no idea what a room like this is used for?
This is a room, full to the brim with restraints and implements to inflict pain, that LESS THAN A PAGE AGO YOU COMPARED TO THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
So what is Ana taking away from this?
"Weirdly, all the [furnishings] make the room kind of soft and romantic..."
She immediately says that she knows it's anything but even if she hadn't just said that she finds it romantic, she flip-flops again because this is is "Christian's version of soft and romantic."
Oh-kay.
How exactly do you know this, Ana? At least in the original Twilight, one of the characters was explicitly telepathic. You don't have any reason to believe, based on Christian's previous behaviour, that this man has a romantic bone in his body! The only way you could possibly support that assertion is if you'd been reading the author's outline and even then, I honestly doubt you'd find textual evidence to support your claim!
Ana looks around with Christian right behind her. She's drawn to a flogger - which Christian helpfully identifies for her because Ana only knows paddles, whips and riding crops apparently - and this is what shocks her.
Her subconscious - the only part of Ana that I am whole-heartedly rooting for - short-circuits, probably due to Ana's complete inability to develop any self-preservation. Her first reaction to 'finding out a potential lover is a complete freaky sadist or masochist?"
Fear. That is literally the first answer to spring into Ana's mind.
This is important because I am fully prepared to believe that a lot of people find BDSM titillating. Given the coy sexualization of popular culture, I can also fully believe that many people feel ashamed or nervous about admitting this kink. I came of age in fandom and trust me when I say, I got jaded fast on the weird things that turn people on but I know shame and nerves are real and valid reactions.
I just don't think Ana is one of those people. If she was attracted to bondage or painplay, then I would expect her reaction to equal parts shock and fascination. If she was curious about this kink and exploring it with this man, then she should also be excited. But Ana's kneejerk reaction to the idea of inflicting pain or having pain inflicted is fear.
This is, as Dr DeBecker would say, all the reason you need to politely decline and back out of the situation. As alarm bells go, this is the big grand-mammy of them all!
Ana can't do that; Ana immediately backs down and claims that she isn't afraid of Christian because "[she doesn't] think he'd hurt me, well, not without my consent." This, I remind you, is the man who showed up at her place of work without warning, bugged her cell-phone, took her back to his house, stripped her and slept in the same bed with her after she passed out. Which part of this - exactly - is supposed to show that Christian gives a single damn about what Ana thinks or wants?
We have the most stupid conversation between the two; Ana asks if Christian likes giving or receiving and he says that he likes doing it to women who want him to. Once more, based on his previous behaviour? I am calling ALL OF THE BULLSHIT.
Ana asks why she's here if he's got volunteers lined up and Christian admits he wants to "do this with [her] very much."
Ana asks if he's a sadist. (Pro-tip, the answer is yes!) But Christian says he's a Dominant, like the two are mutually exclusive and says that he wants Ana "to willingly surrender [herself] to [him] in all things."
When Ana, not unreasonably, asks what's in it for her? Christian's response is "To please me,"
Ana has a sexual epiphany right there and declares that she wants "him to be damned delighted with [her]." No, this makes no sense in context either.
Christian is then frustratingly vague about what 'pleasing him' actually entails. This just makes no sense and once more highlights that this author is just not good at her job. In the hands of an author who actually knew how to write erotica, Christian could not only explain but make the explanation part of his seduction and convince Ana (and the reader) that this is something sexy and pleasurable.
Christian's actual seduction skills are pretty much nonexistant; so far, he's flown Ana up to his home in Seattle, being creepy all the way, and made her sign paperwork to see his playroom and given her the weakest possible sales pitch imaginable short of 'uh, hey, you wanna?'. This guy is supposed to be a hard-hitting CEO, right?
He takes her out of the playroom because it's too distracting to see her there. I assume the reader is supposed to read 'distraction' as 'overpowering need to just screw her'? (Pst, Ana? That right there is ANOTHER alarm bell. Why are you not running?)
Amazingly, Christian then hikes the creepy factor even HIGHER by bringing Ana down the corridor and shows her a "sterile and cold" room. Her room. (After checking with my co-sufferer, I realize that it's not clear if Christian occupies the whole building or just the penthouse or what? This is starting to seem like a TARDIS!)
Ana is horrified by the idea that Christian wants her to move in. Tying up and beating? A-Ok! Stalking? A-OK! Moving in? OMG YOU MONSTER!
The room is for Ana to sleep in, "Just say, Friday evening through Sunday." because Christian "[doesn't] sleep with anyone, except [Ana], when she's stupefied with drink."
So, Ana needs to be passed out drunk before Christian will share a bed in the non-sexual sense? Once more, I call ALL OF THE BULLSHIT! Either Christian lied like a Des Kelly carpet about not doing anything with Ana or he's just refusing to sleep with her because she obviously wants to. Either way? HE'S A DICKHEAD!
And those are indeed alarm bells going nuts once again, Ana.
Ana reacts in the mature, rational manner of a toddler being told no and Christian brings her downstairs to eat. He also helpfully tells her that since she signed the NDA, she can ask questions.
Given his track record with actually answering questions, I am completely unsurprised when he evades all the personal questions, ultimately resorting to talking about cheese to avoid any discussion of his past. I would expect an Alpha male (as Christian supposedly is) to just flat out say 'My past is not your concern. Keep your questions relevant.' but Christian prefers to talk about cheese. ????
Christian shows his dominant side by politely insisting that Ana eat. Then they talk about his track record (15 women) and dance around the issue of Christian hitting her. It's all Christian being coy and Ana being clueless but enough of the petty small talk! The meal is left behind as they move on to what we've all been waiting for! Hard. Hitting. PAPERWORK!
No, again, I'm being serious.
Christian has a contract. This contract, honest to god, looks like the sort of thing that terminally clueless anti-social boys post on their website (and then wonder why anyone with a a double-X chromosome runs a mile every time they try to talk to them). It looks like it was copy-pasted off a forum post. It's also not a BDSM contract. This is a straight-up slave contract. This is not the sort of contract you should even be reading if you are as obviously (and blatantly) vanilla and inexperienced as Ana.
This is not just setting the limits for their 'playtime'; this contract explicitly strips away Ana's agency and puts everything from her sleep schedule and eating patterns under Christian's control. There is - no lie! - a list of foods that she can eat and she isn't allowed to snack unless it's fruit. Christian will not only have control over what she wears, he will buy it for her! She has to exercise regularly so he has to provide a personal trainer who will report to him on her progress! She has to keep herself clean and waxed: also, she has to visit a beauty salon and submit to additional treatments chosen by Christian.
But it's the last section that makes my inner feminist explode. "The Submissive [Ana] will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. ... She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehaviour committed when not in the presence of the Dominant."
Reread that last sentence.
The very next sentence out of Christian's mouth is about the need to specify Ana's hard limits.
The ENTIRE fucking premise of the contract is that everything is laid out in black and white so both parties know where the limits are and have agreed on them. The contract is useless in that regard because the only things specified are what she can eat (again, so not kidding about that) and her hard limits. What beauty treatments does Ana not feel comfortable with? Never discussed. What sort of workout routine does Ana feel comfortable with? Never discussed. What constitutes a misdeed or a wrongdoing or misbehaviour? Never discussed.
Also not discussed? Where the limits are on punishment. The hard limits are explicitly associated with 'any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant' - nothing to suggest they carry over to punishments.
Ana objects. Not to anything I've listed above but she objects to him buying her clothes. She feels uncomfortable - just the idea of him buying her clothes makes her feel like a 'ho'. Christian sneers at her ability to buy clothes he will like on her as-yet-unaccquired-job's salary so they compromise. He's going to buy her clothes. She doesn't have to wear them when she isn't with him.
That isn't a compromise. That's utter capitulation.
She does argue him down from four sessions with the personal trainer a week to three. Christian is duly impressed by her negotiating skills and offers her a job with his company.
I really truly believe that Christian is impressed and doesn't just want Ana completely dependant on him in all aspects of her life.
Then they move onto hard limits. These boil down to 'no fire: no scat: no watersports: no bloodplay: no needles/knife: no gynaecological play: no pedophilia: no bestiality: no permanent marks and no breath play.'
Ana feels "a little queasy" at the idea of any of those. Christian "asks kindly" if there's anything she wants to add and Ana admits that she doesn't know because she's "never done anything like this."
This, at the risk of sounding repetitive, is so obvious that you can see it from PLUTO! Christian knows enough about her to track her phone and find her place of work but he's somehow MISSED that she's not sexual active!?
Ana confesses and I swear to gods, it reads like the big denouement of a Harlequinn trash-novel. Right up to the point where Christian flips out.
He seriously looses his head over this and we close on him aggressively invading Ana's personal space and demanding to know why she didn't tell him!!!?
....this is only going to get worse, isn't it?
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