Oh good Lord, that supposed love scene reminds me of my first time and that's not a good thing. Honestly, if he was Aussie rather than a Yank... Let's leave that there before I buy a ticket to Sydney and beat out a percussion of what not to do on his forehead.
When she wakes up, Christian is nowhere to be seen. Turns out that his post-coital practice is to go down and play melancholy music on his piano. He's naked, no wait, he's not. He's wearing PJ bottoms. He escorts her back to bed, she tries to touch him, he slaps her hand away. And then he covers his chest with a t-shirt. But it's okay because Christian has a sad side. Wtf?
Wow, that's like the shortest summary known to man, isn't it?
Seriously, the author's heavy-handed-ness is starting to get to me. How many times does she need to say the same thing. I know this is a housewife's novel but honestly, they have a better memory than the standard goldfish. Although, maybe it's based around the assumption that they all have kids who are clamouring for attention so they only get to read a page at a time? That might make sense, but please, stop doing it. It's annoying.
Okay, so, yes, the sex scene. The first time that Ana and Christian get naked and fuck. The first time that Ana gets naked with anyone and has sex. The first time that Ana has an orgasm? Are you serious?
Okay, background time. I had a fairly vanilla upbringing. Apart from a little kissing in my teens and a boyfriend who cheated on me because I wouldn't go beyond kissing, I had a fairly quiet sex life until I hit college. It was 17 before I worked out what things did, so to speak. Can I believe that a 21/22 year old college student hasn't even tried to pleasure herself?
Actually yes.
Women are notoriously non-curious about masturbation. It's kinda weird, if you consider it. Guys seem to become obsessed with their whatsits as soon as they realise that they're there, but women tend to not notice anything until a lot later in life. Maybe it's the internal vs external thing? I don't know, but I can actually believe it when Ana says that she doesn't masturbate. It explains a bit about the girl.
But, to go from total innocence to where she is at the end of the chapter, that's a huge step. And to do it all without any real foreplay? That's insane.
Okay, lets talk about the sex:
He kisses her. He strips her a little. He squeezes her ass and rubs his cock against her. He strips her some more and then shoves his nose in her crotch, and tosses her back onto the bed. He pulls off her shoes and tickles her foot. He strips her a little more and then pulls off his jeans. He kisses her inner thigh. He pulls her breasts out of her bra but leaves it on. He pulls and sucks her nipples. She comes. He feels up her pussy, takes off her panties, strips himself, shoves on a condom and Bang! She's impaled. He pokes her some and she comes again. Then he turns her over, takes off her bra, takes off his shirt and Bang! he's in her from behind. She comes. He comes. She collapses. ZZzzz's
I'm sorry, but that's it. Mills and Boone does it better. I mean, seriously? It's her first time. Woo her with a little foreplay, man. Sure, she's wet, but honestly, it's gonna fecking hurt. Especially seeing as she's somehow magically still got an intact hymen. Do you know the likelihood of that happening? It's miniscule. Riding a bike can be enough to tear the hymen. So you're trying to tell us that Ana has never done anything ever in her life that could be classed as strenuous activity?
Okay, so there's very little foreplay. Gotcha. Maybe Christian is the sort of man who just wants the one thing and doesn't know how to get a girl wet without whips, chains and floggers? Okay, I'll give you that for a few minutes. But honestly, the whole sex scene leaves me feeling cold.
It's her first time, goddamnit, and not just her first time fucking, it's her first time for everything. You said that you were going to train her:
But, and this is the bit that has me tearing my hair out, Ana likes the whole thing. She's absolutely enamoured with Christian and this is the best sex in the world for her. Okay, so it's not like she has a lot to compare it to. I'll give you that. But honestly? There isn't even a moment's pause between 'Ow, you just stuck it straight in' and 'oh yeah, baby, harder'.
I mean, okay. I've had a problem with Christian's dialogue before and especially when he's 'being sexy'. Apparently he has a 'considerable length'. So how does he comfort her?
And then she wakes up alone. It's one thing to put her through the tortures that you have, but to leave her on her own in a strange place, that's a little mean.
Christian is playing the piano. He's playing a deep, forlorn song. Objective collelative anyone? Christian is sad. Boo fecking hoo!
Ana is clearly way more into Christian than Christian is into her. She's picturing the little boy he must have been while he's shipping her off to bed again. Honestly, I don't know whether it's his lack of vulnerability or his coldness that gets to me more. We see Christian apparently sad, and there is a great opportunity to give us more about his character but nope. He's locked up tighter than a duck's arse in a rainstorm.
This chapter really just failed to do anything for me. I didn't find it hot. I didn't find it enticing. I just found it ... words on a page really. I have a very visual imagination and there was nothing to hold on to, nothing to draw you close. As much as I hate to say it, an extra 1000 words in the middle of the sex scene could have added a lot of heat. The whole thing is coming off as rushed and the author is promising one thing and delivering a summary.
Worse, it's not even bad sex. Well, it is, but it's not truly bad sex, it's just bleagh sex. Anyway, the next chapter awaits. Please let it be back to innocent naivite and bad writing rather than porn that isn't...
Quick Summary
Christian turns his previous self around 180 degrees and decides that he's going to make love to Ana. Ana throws his words back at him and then he does a pathetic turnaround claiming that he wants to make love to her. What follows is supposedly hot sex but is rather pedestrian rushed sex where she comes like a firework with very little effort and he does what he wants thanks to some fancy verbal footwork. She loses her virginity and passes out. Woo hoo!When she wakes up, Christian is nowhere to be seen. Turns out that his post-coital practice is to go down and play melancholy music on his piano. He's naked, no wait, he's not. He's wearing PJ bottoms. He escorts her back to bed, she tries to touch him, he slaps her hand away. And then he covers his chest with a t-shirt. But it's okay because Christian has a sad side. Wtf?
Wow, that's like the shortest summary known to man, isn't it?
My Thoughts
Okay, so hands up who else is starting to think that Christian has some horrid chest skin condition that he's uncomfortable about? I mean, first he tries to keep his shirt on while fucking and then when she reaches to pet his chest (and really yes, that's the right word because he's fuzzy!), he slaps her hand away and pulls on a t-shirt. Actually, maybe he has a third nipple?Seriously, the author's heavy-handed-ness is starting to get to me. How many times does she need to say the same thing. I know this is a housewife's novel but honestly, they have a better memory than the standard goldfish. Although, maybe it's based around the assumption that they all have kids who are clamouring for attention so they only get to read a page at a time? That might make sense, but please, stop doing it. It's annoying.
Okay, so, yes, the sex scene. The first time that Ana and Christian get naked and fuck. The first time that Ana gets naked with anyone and has sex. The first time that Ana has an orgasm? Are you serious?
Okay, background time. I had a fairly vanilla upbringing. Apart from a little kissing in my teens and a boyfriend who cheated on me because I wouldn't go beyond kissing, I had a fairly quiet sex life until I hit college. It was 17 before I worked out what things did, so to speak. Can I believe that a 21/22 year old college student hasn't even tried to pleasure herself?
Actually yes.
Women are notoriously non-curious about masturbation. It's kinda weird, if you consider it. Guys seem to become obsessed with their whatsits as soon as they realise that they're there, but women tend to not notice anything until a lot later in life. Maybe it's the internal vs external thing? I don't know, but I can actually believe it when Ana says that she doesn't masturbate. It explains a bit about the girl.
But, to go from total innocence to where she is at the end of the chapter, that's a huge step. And to do it all without any real foreplay? That's insane.
Okay, lets talk about the sex:
He kisses her. He strips her a little. He squeezes her ass and rubs his cock against her. He strips her some more and then shoves his nose in her crotch, and tosses her back onto the bed. He pulls off her shoes and tickles her foot. He strips her a little more and then pulls off his jeans. He kisses her inner thigh. He pulls her breasts out of her bra but leaves it on. He pulls and sucks her nipples. She comes. He feels up her pussy, takes off her panties, strips himself, shoves on a condom and Bang! She's impaled. He pokes her some and she comes again. Then he turns her over, takes off her bra, takes off his shirt and Bang! he's in her from behind. She comes. He comes. She collapses. ZZzzz's
I'm sorry, but that's it. Mills and Boone does it better. I mean, seriously? It's her first time. Woo her with a little foreplay, man. Sure, she's wet, but honestly, it's gonna fecking hurt. Especially seeing as she's somehow magically still got an intact hymen. Do you know the likelihood of that happening? It's miniscule. Riding a bike can be enough to tear the hymen. So you're trying to tell us that Ana has never done anything ever in her life that could be classed as strenuous activity?
Okay, so there's very little foreplay. Gotcha. Maybe Christian is the sort of man who just wants the one thing and doesn't know how to get a girl wet without whips, chains and floggers? Okay, I'll give you that for a few minutes. But honestly, the whole sex scene leaves me feeling cold.
It's her first time, goddamnit, and not just her first time fucking, it's her first time for everything. You said that you were going to train her:
I want our arrangement to work, but you really need to have some idea what you’re getting yourself into. We can start your training tonight – with the basics.You're a heartless bastard who can't even make love tenderly with a girl for her first time. Gottit. There's no training in this. There is no idea of what she's getting herself into, apart from the fact that Christian doesn't like foreplay. There's nothing in there that makes me think that he's a good Dom. There's nothing in there that even comes close to anything really.
But, and this is the bit that has me tearing my hair out, Ana likes the whole thing. She's absolutely enamoured with Christian and this is the best sex in the world for her. Okay, so it's not like she has a lot to compare it to. I'll give you that. But honestly? There isn't even a moment's pause between 'Ow, you just stuck it straight in' and 'oh yeah, baby, harder'.
I mean, okay. I've had a problem with Christian's dialogue before and especially when he's 'being sexy'. Apparently he has a 'considerable length'. So how does he comfort her?
“Don’t worry,” he breathes, his eyes on mine, “You expand too.”Well, jeez, doesn't that make you feel better? All my fears just washed away at that one sentence. Good Lord, Christian, can you be any more of a douche? Oh wait!
“Pull your knees up,” he orders softly, and I’m quick to obey. “I’m going to fuck you now, Miss Steele,” he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. “Hard,” he whispers, and he slams into me.Yes, the answer is yes. Christian can be more of a douche. Let's look at the choice of language here. 'He slams into me.' That's not what any girl needs her first time out of the gate. Holy Hell, but even with experience you hardly want someone slamming in there. I mean, there are nerve endings and things. Hell, there is a cervix which bloody hurts if you happen to slam into it. Christ above man, could you be any more of a douche? Oh wait.
“Aargh!” I cry as I feel a weird pinching sensation deep inside me as he rips through my virginity. He stills, gazing down at me, his eyes bright with ecstatic triumph.
“I’m going to take you from behind, Anastasia,” he murmurs, and with his other hand, he grasps my hair at the nape in a fist and pulls gently, holding me in place. I cannot move my head. I am pinioned beneath him, helpless.I already gave you my opinions on hairpulling. I really don't like it. I don't think it's romantic. I don't think it's sexy but if that's your kink, then fine. But following up a painful deflowering with being taken from behind while your hair is being pulled... Yeah, that's exactly what she needs. Anyone who hasn't tried it: Doggy style is best suited to men with small cocks for deeper penetration because it goes deeper and the angles work better, but for long men, the probability of hitting the cervix is exponentially increased and it's bloody uncomfortable.
“I want you sore, baby,” he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, leisurely torment, backward, forward.Douchy McDouchy-pants just managed to make my most hated character list here. I get that this is supposed to be a kinky BDSM book, but honestly, can you at least try to make your characters in some way human. She's going to be feeling it all week. She's going to be sore for days. And when she pees? Agony on a scale associated only with a severe kidney infection. Wow, way to kill my sympathy for both characters.
“Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.”
And then she wakes up alone. It's one thing to put her through the tortures that you have, but to leave her on her own in a strange place, that's a little mean.
Christian is playing the piano. He's playing a deep, forlorn song. Objective collelative anyone? Christian is sad. Boo fecking hoo!
Ana is clearly way more into Christian than Christian is into her. She's picturing the little boy he must have been while he's shipping her off to bed again. Honestly, I don't know whether it's his lack of vulnerability or his coldness that gets to me more. We see Christian apparently sad, and there is a great opportunity to give us more about his character but nope. He's locked up tighter than a duck's arse in a rainstorm.
This chapter really just failed to do anything for me. I didn't find it hot. I didn't find it enticing. I just found it ... words on a page really. I have a very visual imagination and there was nothing to hold on to, nothing to draw you close. As much as I hate to say it, an extra 1000 words in the middle of the sex scene could have added a lot of heat. The whole thing is coming off as rushed and the author is promising one thing and delivering a summary.
Worse, it's not even bad sex. Well, it is, but it's not truly bad sex, it's just bleagh sex. Anyway, the next chapter awaits. Please let it be back to innocent naivite and bad writing rather than porn that isn't...
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