[Content Note: Mention of Child-Abuse, Underage sex, Abusive behaviour & excessive Caps Lock]
....all of it, please.
Oh gods.
Right. We left our 'heroes' with Ana's wishes being completely ignored by Christian so Christian can ply Little Miss Lightweight with wine.
"He smiles, his dazzling, head cocked to one side smile, and my stomach pole vaults over my spleen. I can’t help but reflect his glorious smile back at him."Gag.
Seriously, Ana, even teenage boys can rein their hormones in better than that.
But wait, because the plot-exposition fairy has arrived to sprinkle stilted conversation around!
"“My mother liked you,” he says dryly.....Christian Grey really seems to be setting off the world's collective gaydar, doesn't he? Ana remembers the interview with horror because, OMG, Kate put that exact question down! Because clearly the worst thing in the world for a rich, upper-class white jerk is that some people might think that he's a gay rich, upper-class white jerk!
“Really?” His words make me flush with pleasure.
“Oh yes. She’s always thought I was gay.”
My mouth drops open, and I remember that question… from the interview. Oh no.
“Why did she think you were gay?” I whisper.
“Because she’s never seen me with a girl.”"
The horror!
"“I’ve never slept with anyone, never had sex in my bed, never flown a girl in Charlie Tango, never introduced a woman to my mother. What are you doing to me?” His eyes burn, their intensity takes my breath away."Because truly, Ana, you are the one and only special snowflake. Christian has no ulterior motive here at all and incidentally, I have this great offer on O'Connell Bridge - only half a million bucks!
Ana wants more assurances that she's really, truly special.
So she asks what vanilla sex is.
......
The waitress brings them nettle soup and 'flounces' back into the kitchen when Christian ignores her.
....I'm going to derail here for a momentary rant.
The waitress is a customer service person. Customer service people - as blogs and forums across the internet will tell you - get cynical and frustrated at their jobs. Most are professional enough not let it bleed through.
The restaurant sounds expensive and pretentious which means that odds are good that the waitress is a professional waitress, not a student filling in hours. If that is the case, then Ana is seriously asking us to believe that this woman (who is conventionally attractive) is so over-come with lust at the mere sight of Christian that she risks not only the tip (which is most of her wage) but her job by being rude? While he is there with another woman?
This is not an uncommon trope in a certain kind of 'strong-woman-heroine' books where the author's lead female character is portrayed as a strong woman by making every other woman a shrill, jealous harpy. It's painful to read and it honestly does not convince me that Christian is the sex-god Ana thinks he is.
But we are about to reach the first of the two conversations in this chapter that had me actually screaming at my screen.
"“Why have you never had vanilla sex before? Have you always done… err, what you’ve done?” I ask, intrigued.....fifteen.
He nods slowly.
“Sort of.” His voice is wary. He frowns for a moment and seems to be engaged in some kind of internal struggle. Then he glances up, a decision made. “One of my mother’s friends seduced me when I was fifteen.”"
Fifteen years old is legally a minor under US Law.
Having sex with a minor even with the minor's expressed consent is a crime called statutory rape.
There are some exemptions to this if you are also a minor but it is still a legally grey area.
If you seduce the adopted fifteen-year-old son of one of your friends, that is child abuse and that is statutory rape.
Everyone with me so far?
Now, take a moment to remember that we are reading porn of this man who was a victim of child abuse and who had his views on sexuality and sexual relationships formed by his abuser.
Then read this.
"“She had very particular tastes. I was her submissive for six years.” He shrugs.
“Oh.” My brain has frozen, stunned into inactivity by this admission.
“So I do know what it involves, Anastasia.” His eyes glow with insight.
I stare at him, unable to articulate anything – even my subconscious is silent.
“I didn’t really have a run-of-the-mill introduction to sex.”
Curiosity kicks in big time.
“So you never dated anyone at college?”
“No.” He shakes his head to emphasize the point.
The waitress takes our plates, interrupting us for a moment.
“Why?” I ask when she’s gone.
He smiles sardonically.
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t want to. She was all I wanted, needed. And besides, she’d have beaten the shit out of me.” He smiles fondly at the memory.
Oh, this is way too much information – but I want more.
“So if she was a friend of your mother’s, how old was she?”
He smirks.
“Old enough to know better.”
“Do you still see her?”
“Yes.”"
Just to recap, not only did this woman 'seduce' a fifteen year old boy, she used him as a Submissive - and I want to state here that there is nothing wrong with being a Submissive in a Safe, Sane and Consentual relationship, but given what we've seen of Christian's interpretation of 'Submissive', I'm going to call his first sexual relationship none of the above - and denied him access to normal dating/relationships among his peer group before and during college.
....wow, Christian's fucked-up demeanour makes a lot more sense now, doesn't it?
Christian, for the entire duration of this conversation, will talk about this relationship with fond nostalgia but I'm calling bullshit.
Firstly, Christian spent six years as Woman X's Submissive. Then, as soon as that relationship ends (and we don't get details on that), Christian immediately recreates himself as a hard-core Dominant.
Based on his interactions with Ana, Christian isn't just into Dominance and Kinky Sex. He's a goddamn predator. He latches onto Ana after one encounter and he stalks her - turning up in her place of work, sending her overly-expensive gifts and TRACKING HER MOBILE PHONE ILLEGALLY - until she succumbs to the force of his personality.
This is dangerous behaviour and frankly, I don't think I'm making too much of a leap when I say that Christian's behaviour can be traced back to his first - and by far, longest - 'relationship'.
First relationships set our expectations for future relationships; it's why some people feel they should always split the bill or call the day after. If we apply that to Christian and Ana's relationship, the picture that emerges is scary.
Christian's damaged view of women - notice how he never reacts warmly or affectionately to any woman we see him interacting with unless it's to get them to do something for him? - and relationships - see Bon's take-down of the 'Contract' for details on that - and yes, honestly, it's plausible that he has a history of abuse.
It doesn't stop him being an abusive asshole - if anything it makes it more likely but it does work with what we know of the character.
In the real world, this is where Ana should be sympathetic, empathic and gently but firmly shut down the idea of continuing their sexual relationship until AFTER HE'S GOT SOME GODDAMN THERAPY!! Christian's abuse has damaged him and that's something that Ana - even if she actually loves him - just IS NOT equipped to help him with.
She's a college student. She's terminally naive. She's as self-centred as a fucking gyroscope. She doesn't have the emotional maturity to weather Christian's mood-swings and the devastation of confronting his abuse.
But honestly, even Ana should know that child-abuse is bad and be horrified right? I have zero expectations left at this point in the narrative but come on, that's a no-brainer, right?
She asks if Christian still has sex with his abuser. He says no. She asks if his mother knows - did we not just have this conversation? She thinks he's gay because she's never seen him with a woman before! - and Christian responds with his customary tact and charm.
"He gives me a don’t-be-stupid stare.Lovely.
“Of course not.”"
And this is Ana's immediate reaction (no, seriously, this is the very next paragraph!) :
"The waitress returns with venison, but my appetite has vanished. What a revelation. Christian the submissive… Holy shit. I take a large slug of Pinot Grigio – he’s right, of course, it’s delicious. Jeez, all these revelations, it’s so much to think about. I need time to process this, when I’m on my own, not when I’m distracted by his presence. He’s so overwhelming, so Alpha Male, and now he’s thrown this bombshell into the equation. He knows what it’s like."
Because THAT is what you should be taking away from this conversation. Christian was submissive so he totally knows what it was like!
Christian assures Ana that he managed a full-time BDSM relationship through high school and college and tells her to eat up.
"“I’m really not hungry, Christian.” I am reeling from your disclosure."The author realizes (or more likely, her betas point out) that Christian being sexually abused is a BAD THING and tells us some more about how shocked Ana is.
Then, to make sure we don't actually start empathizing with Christian or anything, we also get this.
"“Eat,” he says quietly, too quietly....so much fail, so little space left.
I stare at him. This man – sexually abused as an adolescent – his tone is so threatening.
“Give me a moment,” I mutter quietly. He blinks a couple of times.
“Okay,” he murmurs, and he continues with his meal.
This is what it will be like if I sign, him ordering me around. I frown. Do I want this? Reaching for my knife and fork, I tentatively cut into the venison. It’s very tasty."
Firstly, hello again alarm bells! (I'm going to have to find a .gif for these but I'd wipe out my hosting in a single post.)
Yes, Christian is threatening Ana.
Yes, he is ordering her around without signing the contract first.
Yes, he is doing this for no other reason than his own issues with food.
Yes, Ana's loss of appetite is completely reasonable given the circumstances.
Yes, Christian is over-reacting and he's scaring her.
If you don't feel safe during a meal in a public restaurant with this man, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT sign up to let him tie you down and beat you! This should be obvious and we do actually see Ana half-realize this.
But with so much porn still to write, the author hastily informs us that Christian was right! The venison is very tasty and Ana really can eat it because CHRISTIAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT!
.....if this book had a face, I would punch it.
Right, most of the rest of the conversation is plot-exposition droppings so I'm going to summarize and move on.
Christian goes on to tell Ana that this is what her life will be like if she signs the contract but she'll like it. Ana doubts it - while happily eating the venison that she really did want! Christian tells her to read the contract and discuss anything she wants with him because he's helpfully going to be in Portland until Friday. He also tells her that he really wants to make this work!
"I really want to make this work. In fact, I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want this to work."
Oh, and he's totally monogamous in his relationships. (Didn't he explicitly TELL Ana that they wouldn't be in a relationship - the contract was for a 'boink-only' arrangment?) And there is what is probably intended to be light flirting that feels like the author hitting me over the head screaming "Do you think he's sexy yet?!!"
They make the three hour drive in silence and it's only when Christian stops outside the apartment that Ana belatedly remembers this is a 'romance'.
"[Christian] switches off the engine, and I realize I’m going to have to leave him.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask. I don’t want him to go. I want to prolong our time together.
“No. I have work to do,” he says simply, gazing at me, his expression unfathomable.
I stare down at my hands, as I knot my fingers together. Suddenly I feel emotional. He’s leaving. Reaching over, he takes one of my hands and slowly pulls it to his mouth, tenderly kissing the back of my hand, such an old fashioned, sweet gesture. My heart leaps into my mouth."
Oh and Christian sets up details for the date on Wednesday that Ana never agreed to and Ana gets out of the car with this lovely little gem of a goodbye.
"“Oh… by the way, I’m wearing your underwear.” I give him a small smile and pull up the waistband of the boxer briefs I’m wearing so he can see. Christian’s mouth drops open, shocked. What a great reaction. My mood shifts immediately, and I sashay into the house, part of me wanting to jump and punch the air. YES! My inner goddess is thrilled."
....why?
The Great Libido only gives a shit when you're getting laid. Why does she care that Christian knows you stole his underwear?
Ana goes in to find Kate packing up. The conversation is dull and tedious so I'm just going to mention the high points.
"I have to deal with Kate’s persistence and tenacity, and I’m in possession of a legal signed document saying I can’t talk."
Big. Girl. Pants. PUT THEM THE FUCK ON!
"“It was good, Kate. Very good, I think,” I say quietly, trying to hide my embarrassed tell-all smile."
Christian Grey, totally and for-reals a sex-god, you guys!!
"“Yeah, took almost a year to have my first orgasm through penetrative sex and here you are… first time?”
I nod shyly. My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking serene except for the sly, self-congratulatory smile on her face."
Ana Steele is more special than you! Also, the Great Libido is a douche.
"I must remember to Google ‘penalties for breaching a non-disclosure agreement’ while I’m doing the rest of my ‘research’. It’s like I’ve been given a school assignment. Maybe I’ll be graded."
....no comment.
"Katherine Agnes Kavanagh goes all Anastasia Rose Steele on me."
Agnes? Seriously? Also, apparently Grey men have magic, brain-melting powers. Also, Kate is into Elliot! And Ana's judging her for this!
Business as usual, then.
"If I tell Kate about José, she’ll have him for breakfast."
And totally deprive Ana of her best excuse to play victim! Kate spoils all her fun!
"“Hey, I have interviews! The week after next, in Seattle, for intern placements!”
“For which publishing house?”
“For both of them!”
“I told you your GPA would open doors, Ana.”"
Oh, hiiiiiiiiiiii Plot-Exposition Fairy! Gosh, it's been nearly three whole pages, how have you been!?
"I have never left continental US. Kate is off to Barbados with her parents and her brother Ethan for two whole weeks."
Kate has a brother? How much am I bet that he is a member in good standing of the Fraternity of Those Wanting Into Ana Steele's Panties?
"The phone rings, jolting me from my reverie.
“That’ll be José.”
I sigh. I know I have to talk to him. I grab the phone."
....and this would be the second point at which I started screaming obscenities at the screen.
I'll also accept 'strength' ...or tactical nukes
For those of you fortunate enough not to remember why Ana's avoiding José: Ana got drunk. José kissed her after Ana told him no. CHRISTIAN SMASH!
From the very first line, I can tell I'm going to hate this conversation. Why does Ana have to talk to him? Why is talking with the guy who sexually assaulted you a better option than letting your friend tear him a new one? It's been TWO DAYS. Even if Ana wants to salvage the friendship, she can justifiably let him stew for another week at least!
But it's about to get so much worse.
"“Ana, you’re back!” José shouts his relief at me."
This seems a bit of an over-reaction. José either knows more about Christian Grey's former partners than we've been told ...or he's an overly-possessive, fixated asshole. I'm going with the first because Ana seems to be turned on by the second.
"“Obviously.” Sarcasm drips from my voice, and I roll my eyes at the phone.
He’s silent for a moment.
“Can I see you? I’m sorry about Friday night. I was drunk… and you… well. Ana – please forgive me.”"
And she what? Told you no? Repeatedly? Because she is allowed to do that. Ana got drunk, which was stupid but nothing about what happened between you was Ana's fault.
You being drunk was also not an excuse. You aren't even apologizing because you're not saying what you're sorry for, you're just apologizing because Ana's upset and that means she's not there for you which is clearly the biggest tragedy here! Fuck you, José!
But just as I get good and mad at José, Ana opens her mouth again.
"“Of course, I forgive you José. Just don’t do it again. You know I don’t feel like that about you.”
He sighs heavily, sadly.
“I know, Ana. I just thought, if I kissed you, it might change how you feel.”"
NO! NO! NO! NO!
ANA IS THE STUPIDEST IDIOT TO EVER LIVE!
YOU'VE ALREADY TOLD HIM 'NO' AND HE'S IGNORED IT EVERY SINGLE TIME AND YOU CLEARLY HAVE NEVER CALLED HIM ON IT IN A WAY THAT'S ACTUALLY GOTTEN THE FUCKING POINT ACROSS!
BLOCK HIS NUMBER! STOP TALKING TO HIM! HELP KATE HIDE THE BODY!
STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID!!
"“José, I love you dearly, you mean so much to me. You’re like the brother I never had. That’s not going to change. You know that.” I hate to let him down, but it’s the truth."THAT'S NOT LETTING HIM DOWN! THAT'S GIVING HIM EXACTLY THE RIGHT WORDS TO CONTINUE TO DELUDE HIMSELF INTO BELIEVING THAT IF HE'S PERSISTENT ENOUGH YOU'RE GOING TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR HIM!
START WITH "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE KISSED ME!' MOVE ON TO "IF YOU EVER DO IT AGAIN, I WILL FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER" AND FINISH WITH "I DID VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP BUT SINCE YOU KEEP DOING THIS, I DON'T FEEL SAFE. I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK. DON'T CALL ME. I'LL CALL YOU!"
AND IT GETS WORSE
"“So you’re with him now?” His tone is full of disdain.WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH THIS DICK-NOZZLE!?
“José, I’m not with anybody.”
“But you spent the night with him.”
“That’s none of your business!”
“Is it the money?”
“José! How dare you!” I shout, staggered by his audacity."
DROP HIS ARSE OFF THE SIDE OF FUCKING BRIDGE!
"“Ana,” he whines and apologizes simultaneously. I cannot deal with his petty jealousy now. I know he’s hurt, but my plate is overflowing dealing with Christian Grey.WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
“Maybe we can have a coffee or something tomorrow. I’ll call you.” I am conciliatory. He is my friend, and I’m very fond of him. But right now, I don’t need this.
“Tomorrow then. You’ll call?” The hope in his voice twists my heart.
“Yes… goodnight, José.”"
WHY ARE YOU VOLUNTARILY MEETING THIS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE LITTLE SHITHEAD ALONE!? DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP AS THE VICTIM IN HIS INEVITABLE 'AMERICAN'S MOST WANTED' SPECIAL!?
"“What was that all about?” Katherine demands, her hands on her hips. I decide honesty is the policy. She’s looking more intractable than ever.
“He made a pass at me on Friday.”
“José? And Christian Grey? Ana, your pheromones must be working overtime. What was the stupid fool thinking?” She shakes her head in disgust and returns to packing crates."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!
I HATE EVERYONE IN THIS STUPID BOOK!
IF THEY'RE NOT EVIL, THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO LIVE!!
....nearly done. Nearly.
They pack and it is domestic. Kate gets a phone call from Elliot and wanders off, leaving Ana with only the voices in her to angst along with her.
"If I’d not met him, I’d still be sweetly and blissfully oblivious. My mind drifts to last night, and this morning… and the incredible, sensual sexuality I’ve experienced. Do I want to say goodbye to that? No! Screams my subconscious… my inner goddess nods in silent zen-like agreement with her."
...et tu, subconscious?
Even Ana's self-preservation is throwing in the towel. Before Ana can angst herself out a window and put us all out of our misery, Kate comes back and goes to bed, leaving us with this last little gem.
"“I’m glad you’re back in one piece. There’s something about Christian,” she adds quietly, apologetically. I give her a small, reassuring smile – all the while thinking… How the hell does she know? This is what will make her a great journalist, her unfaltering intuition."
Bullshit. BULLSHIT! ALL OF THE BULLSHIT!
Ana, stop externalizing your common fucking sense! JUST DON'T SLEEP WITH CHRISTIAN! STOP BEING SO STUPID!
"I am weary from all our carnal exertions of the last day and from the complete and utter dilemma that I’m faced with. I sit on my bed and gingerly extract the manila envelope from the bag, turning it over and over in my hands. Do I really want to know the extent of Christian’s depravity? It’s so daunting. I take a deep breath, and with my heart in my throat, I rip open the envelope."
What dilemma? Seriously. What's the dilemma? Whether to listen to your (rapidly corroding) brain or your hormones?
That's not a dilemma. That's you being a fucking child and refusing to make the mature choice.
Also? This isn't much of a cliffhanger. We KNOW what's in the fucking envelope! The contract was printed VERBATIM two chapters ago and it's not like Christian really gives a fuck about it anyway!
This is just shitty, awful writing on top of shitty awful plot and SHITTY, VILE characters.
....this whole chapter made me sick.
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