In the e-book that I'm using, chapter ten starts on page 103 (out of 356): the first 7 pages are cover, publishers info, acknowledgements and the like. That means that the first nine chapters have averaged ~10.3 pages: a little short but respectable.
There are twenty-six chapters so we're more than a third of the way through the story and we know almost nothing about Christian or Ana.
What we do know about both of our main characters could fill all of a sentence. They're not even characters - they're stereotypes.
Ana Steele is the naive, timid girl-next-door, looking for the man who will finally turn her on!
Christian Grey is the sexually experienced, alpha-male asshole, looking for the woman who will melt his granite heart!
Together, they....fuck in boring and uninteresting prose.
Then there's the plot, or rather the lack of one. The basis of plot is ultimately conflict - the heroine wants something that she can't easily have; in a zombie movie, she wants to survive: in a soap opera, she wants to be happy: in a horror movie, she wants to be the last one standing with a chainsaw in hand.
What's the conflict here? Ana wants to sleep with Christian. Ana sleeps with Christian. Christian wants Ana to let him control her whole life. Ana lets Christian control her whole life. Any tension that might blossom into a conflict, say Jose as an alternative love interest, is killed in the same paragraph (or chapter) that it's brought up, Jose is a sexual-assaulting creep for example.
We'll see this as we start working through this chapter. The only real misunderstandings between Christian and Ana are entirely based on them both being passive-aggressive shitheads. (I could come up with a more academic way of phrasing that, but I'm sick of putting more thought into this than the author did so fuck it.) The 'big misunderstandings' could be resolved if one of them donned their big girl panties and said "Actually, no, that's not what I meant."
That's not conflict. That's immaturity.
Speaking of immaturity, let's start Chapter Ten!
"He pulls out of me suddenly. I wince. He sits up on the bed and throws the used condom in a wastebasket."Romantic! Also, unless Christian's mother still thinks he's ten years old, she's not going to actually walk in on him. He's 27. He has his own multi-million dollar company. He's had fifteen submissive female partners. HE HAS A NINJA BODY-DISPOSAL BUTLER/MANSERVANT BLOCKING THE DOOR!
But Ana - still naked and tied up - understandably want to be untied and given clothes. Christian mentions that this is another first. Suuuuure it is. This is the first ever time one of your lovers has wanted to be untied and given her clothes back?
Ana - while being tied up and naked - does take a break to assure her that yes, Christian is still hot.
"In spite of my anxiety, I lose my train of thought. Will I ever get used to looking at this beautiful man? His beauty is derailing."Christian also has 'just-fucked hair'. This is starting to sound like the author's new favourite phrase. There are synonyms out there! Bravely venture through wild thesaurus and discover the treasure within!
Coitus interruptus makes Christian....the same demanding jerk he was before.
"“Anastasia, you could be wearing a sack and you’d look lovely. Please don’t worry. I’d like you to meet my mother. Get dressed. I’ll just go and calm her down.” His mouth presses into a hard line. “I will expect you in that room in five minutes, otherwise I’ll come and drag you out of here myself in whatever you’re wearing. My t-shirts are in this drawer. My shirts are in the closet. Help yourself.”"Don't you understand that we have to get to next sex-scene as soon as possible!
Ana goes running around to collect her clothes being mostly successful. Unfortunately, despite going with Christian for the express purpose of losing her virginity, guess who didn't pack spare panties?
So she steals a pair of "tight" boxer briefs which are grey in a oh-so-subtle reference to Christian's 'Shades of Grey'. Now, I am reliably informed by She Who Knows All Things (Particularly the Sexy Things) that 'girl-in-guy's-underwear' is beaten only by 'two girls' on the male all-star fantasy list.
Just imagine that it's Ana wearing them
......not seeing it.
Ana dashes to the bathroom to see if she looks like she was halfway through being fucked by Mrs Grey's adopted little boy. (I have my reasons for calling him that. Trust me.)
"Holy crap… just-fucked pigtails do not suit me either."'just-fucked' is NOT THE ONLY ADJECTIVE IN THE DAMN WORLD! PICK ANOTHER ONE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Then this happens.
"I despair at my clothes. Maybe I should take Christian up on his offer of clothes. My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word ‘ho’."Oh look, Ana's perfectly reasonable qualms about Christian buying her clothes have been outsourced to her 'subconscious' who once again is being a mean horrible hater. How long before Ana folds like the world's worst poker hand and lets Christian buy her whole wardrobe? Bets are being taken now!
She goes out and Christian introduces her to his mother.
Okay, this seems a little cold.
"“Mother, this is Anastasia Steele. Anastasia, this is Grace Trevelyan-Grey.”"
The formula that I'm familiar with would be "Mum, this is X. X, this is my mum P." I can see the mother as Christian is so much more formal than I am but it makes me think that Christian has a problematic relationship with his mother.
The weirdness is reinforced by Doctor Trevelyan-Grey's reaction.
"“What a pleasure to meet you,” she murmurs. If I’m not mistaken, there is wonder and maybe stunned relief in her voice and a warm glow in her hazel eyes."Allowing for the (high) probability that Ana is mistaken because she's got the sensitivity of a concussed Cape Buffalo, this seems a very strong reaction to meeting one of your son's girlfriends.
Then there is a stilted getting-to-know-you conversation which makes me want to crawl out of my skin from second-hand-embarrassment. Christian tells his mother that he met Ana through the student paper because he's "conferring the degrees there this week."
He's what the what now?
Ana LITERALLY just finished her final exams in the previous week. And she's getting her degree conferred two weeks later? Christian's mother even helpfully confirms that yes, Ana is graduating this week.
How fast are they grading those papers?!
"My cell phone starts ringing. Kate, I bet."If only there was a way to know who was calling, of identifying their number for example. A feature common to all mobile phones, even!
But no, despite the fact that she's already talked to Kate and Kate has no pressing reason to be calling her back, Ana is sure it is Kate so she can be horrified that is in fact....José!
Because Ana has only two friends.
Not only does Ana not HANG THE FUCK UP, they have a conversation that should be printed, laminated and handed out to college-age girls as WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN THE GUY WHO SEXUALLY ASSAULTED YOU CALLS!
"“Dios mio! Ana!” Holy crap, it’s José. He sounds desperate. “Where are you? I’ve been trying to contact you. I need to see you, to apologize for my behavior on Friday. Why haven’t you returned my calls?”That conversation, right there, is a huge, blaring alarm bell. Ana should not voluntarily be in the same room with this asshole ever again. She should block and delete his number, she should block his email addresses and she should never talk to him again.
“Look José, now’s not a good time.” I glance anxiously over at Christian who’s watching me intently, his face impassive as he murmurs something to his mom. I turn my back to him.
“Where are you? Kate is being so evasive,” he whines.
“I’m in Seattle.”
“What are you doing in Seattle? Are you with him?”
“José, I’ll call you later. I can’t talk to you now.” I hang up."
José ostensibly called to apologise. He needs to see Ana to apologise because gods know, what a woman who you SEXUALLY ASSAULTED the last time you went out with her socially really really wants is to be put right back in that situation.
So he doesn't apologise. He whines that Kate is being a big meany and not telling him where Ana is. GOOD! That's the first positive thing Kate's done as Ana's friend. (I'm not wild about the 'evasive' - Kate should tell him to GTFO!)
But really, what José wants to do is complain that Ana is off with another man.
DUDE SHE TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF. SHE IS NOT GOING OUT WITH YOU! YOU HAVE FUCK ALL RIGHT TO DEMAND TO KNOW WHO SHE'S WITH! YOU ARE NOT HER BOYFRIEND! YOU AREN'T EVEN HER FRIEND RIGHT NOW!
We rejoin the conversation between Christian and his mother in time to learn that the only reason Momma Grey knows her boy is in town is because Elliot told her.
....no wonder Christian doesn't want him finding out about the sadistic sex life!
Seriously, is it not a little strange that Christian's mum didn't know he was in Seattle? He lives here, if I'm remembering correctly. Why wouldn't he be here?
As if the author was reading over my shoulder, Christian glares at Ana ...because....it's her fault José called her? Christian is cross but Plot-Convenience!Ninja!Man-Servant Taylor pops up with an important phone call so Christian can have a disjointed alpha male performance to remind us that he is AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS MAN! HE MAKES THE TOUGH CHOICES.
.....still no word on what Christian's company actually does.
I'm sticking to murder-for-hire until someone proves me wrong.
Then he gets Ana a copy of the contract so she can have a whole week to read it over and they can discuss it next weekend.
Not that he's asked Ana to see him next weekend. Or that Ana's said she will. Because consent is such a formality, right?
"“This is the contract. Read it, and we’ll discuss it next weekend. May I suggest you do some research, so you know what’s involved.” He pauses. “That’s if you agree, and I really hope you do.” He adds, his tone softer, anxious.HA! CALLED IT!
“Research?”
“You’ll be amazed what you can find on the Internet,” he murmurs."
ALL HAIL THE MIGHT OF GOOG-
"Internet! I don’t have access to a computer, only Kate’s laptop, and I couldn’t use Clayton’s, not for this sort of ‘research’ surely?"
No, seriously. WHAT THE FUCK!?
In this day and age, in COLLEGE and Ana has no way of accessing the internet? She doesn't have her own computer?
Does she handwrite her essays too?
In this day and age, HOW THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU NOT HAVE INTERNET ACCESS!?
But never fear, SUPER-CHRISTIAN is here!
"I’m sure I can… err, lend you one. Grab your things, we’ll drive back to Portland and grab some lunch on the way. I need to dress."
....he's going to buy her one, isn't he?
"“I’ll just make a call,” I murmur. I just want to hear Kate’s voice. He frowns.You told him no, Ana. So like the mature adult that he isn't, Christian is stamping his feet and having a sulk.
“The photographer?” His jaw clenches, and his eyes burn. I blink at him. “I don’t like to share, Miss Steele. Remember that.” His quiet, chilling tone is a warning, and with one long, cold look at me, he heads back to the bedroom.
Holy crap. I just wanted to call Kate, I want to call after him, but his sudden aloofness has left me paralyzed. What happened to the generous, relaxed, smiling man who was making love to me not half an hour ago?"
Our hero, everybody!
Time for more stilted plot-exposition masquerading as dialogue as Ana tries to explain why she needs to talk to Kate about sex and the questions she has about it.
"“Well,” I flush. How to say this? “I need to talk to Kate. I’ve so many questions about sex, and you’re too involved. If you want me to do all these things, how do I know–?” I pause, struggling to find the right words. “I just don’t have any terms of reference.”"Ana gets brownie points for using Rational Argument. Christian loses all the points for essentially telling her to talk to Kate if she wants to as long as she doesn't tell Elliot about it.
....if you don't care, WHY DID YOU MAKE HER SIGN AN NDA!?
Okay, okay, moving on because the more I think about this, the more my brain screams cruel and unusual punishment.
They sweep off to lunch in Christian's sports car.
It's a 'nice' car. It's just the sort of car that says 'sales exec' rather than 'millionaire CEO'.
But that's a minor quibble.
Christian bullies Ana about not wanting eat and they pull into one of his 'favourite' restaurants.
"The restaurant is small and intimate, a wooden chalet in the middle of a forest. The décor is rustic: random chairs and tables with gingham tablecloths, wild flowers in little vases. Cuisine Sauvage, it boasts above the door.....lovely.
“I’ve not been here for a while. We don’t get a choice – they cook whatever they’ve caught or gathered.” He raises his eyebrows in mock horror, and I have to laugh."
Ana is momentarily distracted by the fact that the waitress is ....afraid? of Christian.
"The waitress takes our drinks order. She flushes when she sees Christian, avoiding eye contact with him, hiding under her long blonde bangs. She likes him! It’s not just me!"Y'know, based on the description of her behaviour, I'm not thinking that she's hot for your man. I think she's terrified of him.
Christian orders Pinot Grigio for both of them, without asking if Ana wants alcohol. Remember what he JUST said about this? How you don't get a choice in what you eat?
"“The Pinot Grigio here’s a decent wine, it will go well with the meal, whatever we get.” He says patiently."
But there's no time to dwell on the stupidity.
It's time to have the WORLD'S MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION.
...
....okay, now, the rest of this chapter literally had me screaming at the screen in rage and disbelief. I need a break before I can even think about recapping it so we'll pick this up tomorrow.
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